 What
to Say
Funerals can be awkward, there is no getting around it. They can
turn the most confident person into a nervous wreck because we just
don't know what to say and do when someone we know has experienced
a death in the family. It is equally as awkward for the person/people
grieving as they are now in the position of trying to deal with
all these emotions and play host to family, friends and in some
cases complete strangers.
Nonetheless, a family grieving will appreciate your show of support
by taking the time to attend the visitation or service. It is not
necessary to be there for the entire allotted time when a visitation
is running, and in some cases it may be more helpful if you pay
your respects and take your leave if it is over crowded (it is the
law of nature that everyone will show up at the same time for these
things!). In an overcrowded situation, you may not even get access
to the person/people grieving and therefore it is important to sign
the guest register that is usually provided. Be sure to include
your first and last name and in some cases affiliation to the deceased
if you do not know the person grieving directly. This is most helpful
to family afterward as the whole experience can seem a bit of a
blur to them at the time.
If you do have an audience with the person/people grieving, take
your cues from them wherever possible. Remember that they will have
been telling and retelling the deceased's story and may just appreciate
a small statement of respect rather then having to retell the tale
again. Depending on your relationship with the individual you could
say any one of the following:
- I am so sorry.
- Tell me how I can help, I want to be here for you.
- I'm praying for you.
- [Name of deceased] was a good person and friend of mine. He/She
will be missed.
- What do you need right now? If you need something any time I'm
here.
- It's ok if you do not feel like talking right now. Just know
that I am here to listen whenever you are ready.
- My sympathy to you and your family
Be prepared to give way to another who is also there to pay their
respects. Before parting tell them that you will be there for a
little while longer or that you are heading out (in case they want
to speak with you again). If you are planning on staying for a while,
perhaps you could offer to grab them a beverage, a mint or something
to eat if it is available. It is quite easy for them to get caught
up in greeting people and not look after their own needs.
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